I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
