my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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