Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I cannot find my penis.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
