if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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