I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
