I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
