you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
