I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
