I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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