Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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