Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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