you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
