If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
