I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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