I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
