Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
