batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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