He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
