so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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