I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
