I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
