the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
