Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just gift wrapped bread.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
