Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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