I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
