I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
