Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I had to cum in my sink.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
