im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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