I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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