On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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