Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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