Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize