Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
