But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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