She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
