you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
