And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're a disaster
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