i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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