how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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