my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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