took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
