Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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