Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
