Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
