I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
What a dumb baby whore.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
