that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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