I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
