She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
