one two three fourrrrnication!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
