she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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