I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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