i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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