At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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