He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
