Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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