Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
