Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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