3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
