I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
