She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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