Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
