I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
