oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
