Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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