Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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