Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
