Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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