I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
