I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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