I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize