WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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