if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
not ubering you a puppy
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