omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
