Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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