Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she told me i tasted like america
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
