I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
