I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize