if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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