I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
