Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
