I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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