a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
