dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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