Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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