Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize