yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
