Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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