i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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