so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize