I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
