i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
