Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
