Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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