I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
