Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
